Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense

Persian Jokes


A Persian joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated in the Persian language (a.k.a farsi) with the intent of being funny.

These (farsi / iranian jokes) will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A Persian joke just like any joke can also be a single phrase or statement that employs sarcasm. Jokes are usually for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. Equally why is it that only with Persian jokes do you need an explanation of what is a Persian joke ???

You know you're a Persian when..
1. A visa is not a credit card.
2. You refer to your dad's friends as Amu
3. You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds..
4. Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.
5. You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi.
6. You can spot another Persian a mile away and they have spotted you because they keep staring.
7. After a family meal, the women fight to death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their coffee/tea.
8. Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer.
9.You use your forehead and eyebrow(s) to point something out.
10. Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.
11. You have at least thirty cousins.
12. You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal.
13. You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport
14. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
15. You say bye 17 times on the phone.
16. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.
17. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.
18. Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
19.You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
20.Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
21. You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate.
22. You teach Westerners swearwords in Farsi
23. You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
24. Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
25. You get yelled at for talking when the NEWS is on.

  • Once a American girl askes a rashti guy to come home to her, the rashti guy accepts it, so when they arrive home, the American girl goes naked on the bed and open her legs wide, she askes the rashti guy "Do u know what this means?". the Rashti guy says: " yes, it means that u need the whole bed to sleep on.
  • A guy asks a Turk ,what kind of a bread do you eat for breakfast, he replies ,three lavashes .Guy asks what about lunch, Turk says ,two taftons. Guy asks how about dinner ,Turk reply ,two sanghaks. Guy says ,so that is a romer that Turks eat barbari. Turk says ,do you think that I eat these mentioned breads with what?
  • An American and an Iranian board a plane to LAX.
    Iranian sits next to American.
    American asks: What kind of "ian" are you?
    - What?
    - I said What kind of "ian" are you?
    - I don't understand your question.
    - Stupid! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?
    - Oh! I am Iranian.
    2 hours passed without a word.
    Iranian asks: What kind of "key" are you?
    - What?
    - Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?
  • A Persian grandma just came from Iran and wanted to become a citizen in the United States. She took her grandson with her to take her citizenship exam. The immigration officer told the Persian woman that he had to ask her 4 simple questions about America and if she answers them correctly, she would become a citizen.

    She Said, "Ok, but I no speak English, I bringing my grandson."

    The man said, "Ok, so he will translate.
    Now for your first question...
    1) What is the capital of America?
    The Iranian woman's grandson told her, "Man koja' raftam da'newga'?"
    "Vashangton!!", said the grandma.

    That was correct, now for question number 2...
    2) When is Independence Day for America?
    The Grandson Said, "Newman Marcoos key hara'j da'reh?"
    "July Fourt!!", the grandma said.
    Correct, now for question number 3...

    3) Who ran for President this year but lost?
    The grandson told his grandmother, "Oon Martikeh keh ba' doxtareh woma' aroosi kard, keh doosew nada'rin, koja' bereh?"
    She Said, "Too goooor!!!"
    Wow, wonderful job, now for your final question...

    4) Who is the President of the United States now?
    The grandson translated, "Har vaqt pesaret gooz mideh, az ciw na'ra'hat miwi?"
    "Boooosh!!", grandma answered.

    She is a US citizen now....
  • A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?” The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
    "That should have worked," said the friend.
    The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

If you have lived in this country all your life, but you still talk about the revolution as if you were there. (THE REVOLUTION IS WHEN A BIG FLOCK OF PERSIANS MIGRATED TO THE UNITED STATES)
If you leave your house at the exact time that the event you're going to is supposed to start, no matter how far you live from the place. (USUALLY KNOWN AS *PST*: Persian Standard Time)
If you talk with your friends on your cell phone while you are still able to see them in the distance.
If you use your cell phone to tell your friend that you are outside of his house to pick him up.
If you have Thanksgiving dinner with "berenj"(RICE), and "khoresht."(STEW) * RICE IS USUALLY ACCOMPANIED BY STEW*
If your mother fishes for compliments after the dinner, proclaiming to everyone that the "berenj"(RICE) and "khoresht"(STEW) needed more "namak."(SALT) *(ONLY APPLIES TO THE MOTHERS WHO COOK, SOME MOTHERS HAVE THEIR MAIDES COOK FOR THEM AFTER THEY HAVE TAUGHT THEM HOW)*
If after a family meal, there is a fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and play cards, waiting for their tea.
If you are so anxious to watch the Iranian show on Sundays, you are willing to sit through 5 minutes of Korean game shows so you don't miss the beginning. (THIS ONLY APPLIES TO THE ADULTS)
If you call everyone you know as soon as there is an American nightly news show doing a story about Iran or someone from Iran.
If you have your own "beeziness"(BUSINESS) yet you have never seen a 1040 tax form.
If you have your own "beeziness"(BUSINESS) yet you are a "doaktor"(DOCTOR), or a "mohandess". (Sorry, I could not come up with a translation.)
If you come to this country every few months to pick up your social security checks yet you don’t speak a word of English, and you have never actually worked in this country.
(THIS ONLY APPLIES TO THE FOB's: Fresh Off the Boat)
If your child is "Shagerd-eh avall"(#1 STUDENT) in his school.
(This applies only to the boys. The girls know that they are going to get married and live off of their husband’s money, no matter how old he may be, as long as he can buy her Gucci products.)
If you spend your life savings on a BMW, a Mercedes Benz, or any other expensive car just so you can seem rich to other Persians. If you study at UCI (University of Cherah Injah-hastam) (UNIVERSITY OF WHY AM I HERE) and you complain to your friends in Farsi about how the Asians never speak English.

  • The Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and President Khatami died and went all to hell. The Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England. I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there"....She called and talked for about 5minutes...then she said: "Well, Devil, how much do I owe you???? the Devil goes: Five million dollars...five million dollars!!! she made him a check and went to sit back on her chair....
    Bill Clinton was so jealous; He starts screaming: me too; I wanna call the United States; I wanna see how everybody is doing too...He called and talked for about 2 minutes; then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you???? the Devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
    Khatami was extremely jealous too...he started screaming and screaming: I wanna call Iran too, I wanna see how everybody is doing there too, I wanna talk to the mullahs,to the terrorists, I wanna talk to everybody.....He called Iran and he talked for about twenty hours. He was talking and talking and talking....then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you???? the Devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!! the Devil goes: well, from hell to hell it's local.
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© 2008 Paul Kavanagh. All rights reserved.