Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense

Gordon is a Moron

Gordon is a moron

Back in the day, a pop group brought out a song called “Gordon is a Moron”, and like all songs it tells a story, this one is of heartbreak, jilted love, and some smooth git called Gordon, the sort of kid who was captain of the school team and always got the girl, (me 30 years ago!). But sometimes when I find a track like this on YouTube, and remember back, I wonder to myself, whatever happened to Gordon, or John and even Julie?


Well as it happens I now know the answer, and now know the whereabouts of the three. Julie is a single mum of 13 kids, by 5 different fathers, 7 born out of IVF treatment, and she lives in a 15 bedroom house in Ealing, which is paid for by the local council, with her kids and her asylum seeking afghan toyboy, who swears he really loves her and can’t wait to get married. She is not altogether happy because the noise of the 5 plasma TV’s, Playstation3, Xbox and B&O stereo’s can be quite loud, especially when her 3 older boys are working on the fleet of cars in drive. But she spends her day feeling really proud of three of her teenage daughters who are all now expecting her 7, 8 & 9th grandchildren.


John on the other hand did really well for himself, he was always a bit of a wanker, so just changed one letter and found his niche in the world, okay so the Bank he ran lost £100billion last year, and despite being given it all back by a bloke he calls Darling, he would have lost another £100 Billion this year too, but in the end he is okay, because he has just retired from the Bank, aged 39, with an annual pension of £1Billion a year tax free. When his darling was asked about the amount, he explained that he thought it was a great deal for the tax payers because the Government could now save £99Billion a year.


However the real hero of the piece was Gordon himself. Although he is still, and always will be a moron, he went on to be a true global superhero, day after day he saved the world, giving billions of pounds, that did not even exist, to banks and third world counties, he was also a magician as he made vast amounts of debt just disappear, and all this while remaining true to his Moron principals, he even managed to make a party the most unpopular thing in an entire country, and all that while making an entire nation forget about Tony Blaire.


So as I type this I do wonder just how it was that the group who wrote and sang this song could ever have known just how right they would be, “Gordon is a Moron” is quite a bold statement to make, and at a time when the man himself was a nobody that no one had ever heard of, and yet they somehow knew that one day the worlds greatest ever superhero and moron would be one and the same. It just makes you wonder what other songs from our past will be so accurate in predicting our futures.


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© 2008 Paul Kavanagh. All rights reserved.