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Funny Proverbs

Here are some of the fantastic proverbs, I've read.........

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
 If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say
If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until you hear them speak.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
The Best of Proverbs
Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are enough
Living on Earth may be expensive...
but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..
Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep !
ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what Who's in a hurry
Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids
Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting..
A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking....
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
Do not cry if the Sun sets at the end of the day, because the tears will not let you enjoy the beauty of the Stars.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who eats prunes, gets good run for money.

Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon will find him in cathouse.

Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.

Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato — the best part of him is underground.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.

He who never made a mistake, never made a discovery.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.


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