Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense

Everton Jokes

Everton Jokes

1.    Roy Evans and Mike Walker are being interviewed on Scouse FM.
Interviewer: “So, Mike, what are your ambitions for Everton this season?”
Mike: “Well, basically to stay in the Premier League.”
Interviewer: “And you, Roy?”
Roy: “To win the FA Cup, the Coca Cola Cup, the Premiership and get into Europe next season.”
Interviewer: “Don't you think you're being a bit unrealistic there, Roy?”
Roy: “Well, but Mike started it.”

2.       What's the difference between Everton an the compass? - The compass has more points.

3.       Q: What is the difference between a man with no tongue and an Everton fan?
A: The man with no tongue has better taste.

4.       Q: What's the difference between Everton's squad and a puddle?
A: A puddle has more depth

5.       Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.

6.       Did you here about the Conservative MP who was found dead in an Everton strip ? The police had to dress him up in womans underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment

7.       Q. Why are Everton supporters banned from Europe ?
A. Because they threw the cannons off the ferry the last time they where there.

8.       Last year, my aged Great Aunt, who is more than a bit senile, gave me an Everton season ticket for Christmas. Not wanting it, I took it down to Goodison Park, and nailed it to the gates. A couple of weeks later, I had a change of heart, and decided that it was stupid to give something as valuable as that to any old stranger, so I went to retreive the prized item. When I returned, however, it was too late.
Some bastard had nicked the nail.

9.       Walter Smith goes into a building society to deposit some money. Whilst there, a robbery takes place, and Walter is knocked unconsious during the struggle. In a few minutes he comes round, but is still very confused.
"What, er, how, er, where am I?" he mumbles.
"Relax. Your in the Nationwide" says a paramedic. Smith replies,
"Bloody Hell! You mean I've been asleep all season?"

10.   Walter Smith was worried that his team were not showing signs of improvement, so he went to Gerard Houllier and asked him the secret of why his side were so good!!!? That's easy, said Gerard, we practise every day against 11 dustbins. Oh, said Walter, I'll try that.Two weeks later, Gerard saw Walter in the street, and asked him whether the plan had worked. Oh no, said Walter, we had to abandon that idea, the Dustbins won 5-0.

11.   Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a lemon?
A: One's yellow, bitter and best twisted, and the other's a citrus fruit!

12.   Q: Whats the difference between Everton and a tea-bag?
A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer

13.   Q: Why should Everton fans be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

14.   Q: Why is the pitch at Goodison so green?
A: Because they keep putting lots of shit on it.

15.   Q: What's the difference between Duncan Ferguson and Marks & Spencer?
A: You always get a full refund on unwanted goods at Marks & Spencer.

16.   A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Everton fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

17.   What do you get when you cross a pig with a Everton supporter?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

18.   Q: Why does Walter Smith keep visiting Argos?
A: Because that is the only way he can pick up any Premier points.

19.   Q: How can you tell the elephant man is an Everton fan?
A: Because he looks like one

20.   What do Everton and Gordon Brown underpants have in common? - They're both stuck to the bottom of the premier.

21.   What's the difference between Everton and a tea bag? - A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

22.   A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Everton fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

23.   What do you get when you cross a pig with a Everton supporter?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

24.   Top tip for Everton fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

25.   An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Everton fans come from?"

26.   There was this 22-year old secretary girl from Merseyside was vacationing in Tampa. However, as she walked along the beach eyeing the big-bosomed girls walking arm-in-arm with their boyfriends, she became distraught, for she had a rather insignificant pair of jugs. Suddenly, she spied a murky old bottle that had washed up on the beach, and for want of alternative amusement, picked it up. Poof! Out emerged a genie, complete with flowing oriental robes who immediately offered to grant her any two wishes that she desired. "Then, give me two of the biggest tits in the whole, wide world", she moaned. Poof!! Poof!! Immediately there emerged before her eyes, Francis Jeffers and Duncan Ferguson!

27.   Q: Why does Walter Smith keep visiting Argos?
A: Because that is the only way he can pick up any Premier points

28.   What's the difference between a Everton fan and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

 

Made by Webfactory Bulgaria WF
© 2008 Paul Kavanagh. All rights reserved.