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David Cameron Jokes

The man who could become Britain's next prime minister joked Thursday that he was thinking about bringing in Sharia law for bicycle thieves after having his own bike stolen outside a London supermarket.

"I'm contemplating introducing Sharia law for bicycle theft," said the leader of the main opposition Conservative Party, David Cameron, referring to the Islamic law code, after thieves took his bike as he stopped to pick up groceries near his west London home.

Cameron told London's Evening Standard newspaper earlier that he chained the mountain bike through the wheel around a three-foot (0.9-metre) tall bollard but when he emerged from the shop it had disappeared.

  • The problem with political jokes is that they get elected!!
  • The government is sneaky. They raise the tax on alcohol, then make sure that the country is in such a mess that you drink more.
  • Honesty in politics is much like oxygen. The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes.
  • During Britain's "brain drain," not a single politician left the country.
  • Make your MP work - don't re-elect him.

What is the difference between David Cameron and a shopping trolley? A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

My favourite Tory toff needs a new joker(is Michael Gove on holiday?) after one of the worst lines heard at Prime Minister's Questions. David Cameron to Labour ex-pitman Dennis Skinner: "I know he wants miners to join the Government. Well he got it - Lord Myners." It's no better heard than read. Anyone remember a worse "joke" at PMQs? John Major doesn't count.

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third, David Cameron, remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to David and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

David then says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."  The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

How many Tory MP's does it take to change a light-bulb?
All of them. David Cameron screws it up and all the rest tell him what a good job he is doing.

An off-the-cuff remark by David Cameron has sparked fury in Lithuania and led to a complaint from the eastern European country's ambassador.

Vygaudas Usackas wrote to the Conservatives demanding an explanation for Mr Cameron's comment at a recent arts funding lunch that he hoped no grants were being given to "one-legged Lithuanian dance troupes".

Although the comment was brushed off as a minor gaffe in the UK when it was reported in the Mail on Sunday last weekend, it has provoked heated debate in Lithuania, where on Tuesday morning it was the lead story on the website of newspaper Lietuvos Rytas.

In his letter, Mr Usackas said: "It would be incredibly helpful to understand exactly what you meant when referring to 'Lithuanians' and how this relates, if at all, to the Arts Council... This will enable me to pass your message to the many Lithuanians living in the UK and also to their homeland, where this report has caused a great deal of concern."

Mr Cameron's chief of staff Ed Llewellyn spoke to the ambassador and the Tory leader himself on Monday night wrote to assure Mr Usackas that no offence had been meant by his comment.

A Conservative spokeswoman said that Mr Cameron had plucked the word "Lithuanian" from the air when making a point about the perceived opinion that grants can end up going to unusual causes, and had not intended to make any comment at all about the Baltic state or its people.

"We have had a dialogue with the ambassador last night, and we just wanted to stress that absolutely no offence was meant in David's comment," she said.

"It's not in any way a slight to Lithuania, with which we have very friendly relations."















David Cameron has a purpose:


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