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50 Things to Know About Dating an Arsenal Fan

For the Ladies: Please read these laws carefully before entering a long term relationship with an Arsenal fan

For the Gents: Please ensure latest notch on the goal post is reminded of these rules before things get serious:

1) No phoning during the match
2) For a 3 o clock KO on a Saturday, don’t expect me to be around to do anything between noon and 8pm
3) If its a big game and we win, don’t expect me home for dinner
4) If I choose to go abroad, you’re not coming, deal with it
5) If we lose, let’s just fuck rather then make love
6) Yes, I do love arsenal more then you
7) If we win and I choose to watch MoTD, please don’t annoy me with stupid questions
8) No texting during a match
9) If we lose, NEVER say the words "its only a game"
10) If we lose, don’t ask me what’s wrong, that’s just a stupid question.
11) We will have subscription to Arsenal TV....No arguments.
12) Arsenal on the TV takes priority over anything. Including child birth, I'm sure the baby can hold on for 90 mins
13) I would turn gay for Cesc Fabregas
14) When the boys come round for football on the tele, I only want to see you if you are brining beers to us
15) A man’s arsenal shirt and socks is much sexier on you then any underwear or nurses uniform you may own
16) If you want to plan a wedding in advance, make it a Thursday, as that is the only day I can guarantee arsenal won’t play
17) Don’t ask what happens on the pre season tour to Amsterdam, it will only upset you
18) Me going to a game can not be used to justify you going on a girls night out
19) Me going abroad to follow the arsenal can not justify you having a girls weekend in Edinburgh
20) If any of your family are spurs fans, don’t be surprised for family do's to end in a fight
21) Owning last season’s shirt is no good reason not to buy this seasons.
22) If I must tape an Arsenal game and the only tape in the house is that of our wedding I will go straight ahead.
23) If I start shouting "TONY ADAMS" during sex you are not to complain.
24) If you ever say that Nicklas Bendtner is cute it is over
25) Me spending £1000 on a ST does not justify you spend £200 on a new pair of shoes and a bag to match
26) Me spending £40 on a game ticket does not justify you buying Take That tickets
27) If we have kids, I will name them: Girl; Francesca, Denise or Roberta, Boy; Terry Henry, Tony or Ian
28) Me singing footy songs/chants does not mean you can sing any pop hit.
29) The photo in my wallet is supposed to be of Emmanuel Eboue and not you.
30) My religion is Arsenal, Jesus is not an Arsenal players and can rightly fuck off.
31) Yes, I’ve been to the game, yes I’ve watched football first, yes I’ve watch MOTD, but do not moan when I watch MOTD again Sunday morning rather then cook your breakfast
32) Yes, all the arsenal players are sexy, but only I am allowed to say that
33) Arsenal bed covers are not childish
34) Regardless of how good I actually am at playing football you will encourage me and say that maybe one day Arsene will be watching.
35) You will learn how to pronounce all the players names properly (and yes, that does include the reserves and youth team)
36) If you even think about asking how the offside rule works you will be hit faster than you can say "I walked into a door".
37) I work hard to go to football, not pay for you
38) I don’t care if its Peggy's funeral, Arsenal in a CL group stage dead rubber is more important
39) When we move house, the most important factor is how far from Highbury it is, not where your friends/family live
40) If I choose to watch arsenal 2-0 win at Liverpool to win the title or the Invincibles repeatedly, and cry at the end I shall
41) I will invite all the Arsenal players to our 10th Wedding Anniversary, if they do not accept you are not allowed to invite anyone in their place.
42) The picture of me with my best mates friend who is the cousin of the guy who cuts Thierry Henry's hair is not coming down from above the bed.
43) You will grow a David Seaman style moustache, if you are unable to grow one we will pay for the treatment (you will pay for the treatment).
44) My pet goldfish Cesc and Kolo are more valuable then your Chihuahuas Paris and Britney
45) No I will not have a picture of you on my phone....It will always be the arsenal badge
46) The spare bedroom shall not be used as your walk in shall be used as a shrine to the Arsenal.
47) I don’t care if its your parents golden wedding anniversary, I'm going to the arsenal
48) Crying when arsenal win a major trophy does not make me a baby
"Wenger Knows" is a suitable answer to any of your mundane questions, regardless of the topic of conversation.

50) If I come home with a black eye you will have to nurse me. Hooliganism isn't bad, and the ICF are a bunch of pansies compared to the Herd.
51)Don't laugh at my French. In fact you will attend classes with me every Monday.

52) Want a divorce? That’s ok, I still have the arsenal. BYE!


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